Friday, 25 May 2012

Friday, 27 April 2012

  • Trepidation

     

    ♪♫ 你没说 你也会软弱 需要倚赖我
    我就装不晓得 自由移动 自我地过 ♪♫


     

    trepidation.

    trep·i·da·tion/ˌtrepiˈdāSHən/

     
    Noun:
    1. A feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen.
    2. Trembling motion.

     

     

     

    I think one of my greatest fear is either trusting my instincts too much - or not enough.

    I'm so unforgiving with myself sometimes.

    I hope I haven't made the wrong choice. I hope you prove me wrong.

    我愿意天涯海角都随你去,我知道一切不容易,我的心一直温习说服自己,最怕你忽然说要放弃。

    爱真的需要勇气。我们都需要勇气。

     

    27.4.12 - Celebrate!

    The transistion from DM to PM is finally "complete".

    The new package is here, the raise is there and the negotiations are almost a sealed deal.

    Now to trudge on and hope for the best.

    I don't wanna worry anymore.

    x

     

     

Friday, 13 April 2012

Thursday, 12 April 2012

  • The unclad shadow

     

    ♪ ♫你让我爱里头受罪 却没有怨言
    连折磨自己都无法避免
    活在你留下的深渊 我看不见天
    开始习惯黑夜♪ ♫

     

     

    The moment it departed from my lips those words became clotted.
    Impoverished truth,
    Mingled and entwined.
     
     It was always so far away yet close.
    The unclad shadow.
    Anywhere it stares.
    ... Anywhere it touches.
    Everything vanishes.
    Let it crash.

     


    Whether if it’s a hope at the end of the cliff.
    Or just a just a dead end.
     

     
    
    It was my salvation and yet a different death.
    The twisted shadow.
    Let it crash.
     
     
     
     
     
    Why should I make sense?
     
    x
     
     
     
     

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Sunday, 08 April 2012

  • All the money in the world...

     

     

    He said some things tonight that made me think.

    And he's probably right.

    I'm not unreasonable - and I do listen.

    If you make sense, no matter how disgruntled or indignant I feel at that moment, I usually calm down and think it through later anyway.

     

    1.33am and I'm so tired.

     

    Ever live with the feeling of being so tired, wanting to go to bed so bad but not being able to do so because you're terrified of not finishing your work and getting into some kind of trouble the next day?

     

    I live with that constant fear - week in week out.

    Wot I'll do for a good straight peaceful sleep.

    All the money in the world can't buy me enough Zzzs.

     

    x

Friday, 06 April 2012

  • x

     

    ♫ ♪ Feels like forever
    Within my heart are memories
    Of perfect love that you gave to me
    Oh, I remember

    When you are with me, I'm free
    I'm careless, I believe
    Above all the others we'll fly
    This brings tears to my eyes
    My sacrifice ♫ ♪

     

    Creed - on replay.

    I wonder how many times I felt despondent this week.

    With Jean away for almost 2 weeks, my workload just increased considerably and even I feel like I'm breaking under the pressure of dealing with clients, the activations, the events, the coordination - on top of my own regular PM & DM work.

     

    Jo: Are you ready to head the DM team?

    Me: Huh?

    Jo: I think you are ready, Cara.

    Me: I don't want to talk about that now please.

     

    I can't believe I just flat out told my boss that but I think enough is enough - for now.

     

    Let me get my life back on track and look out for myself first.

     

    x

     

     

     

Wednesday, 04 April 2012

Monday, 02 April 2012

  • Do you have to let it linger?

     

     

    ♪ ♫"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
    Fire away, fire away
    Ricochet, you take your aim
    Fire away, fire away
    You shoot me down but I won't fall
    I am titanium
    You shoot me down but I won't fall
    I am titanium"♪ ♫
     

     

    Love the song but not feeling much like titanium today.

    In fact, its another one of those bloody Murphy's Law days.

     

    Dropped my Iphone face down and smashed the glass at 11am and had to make do with the vicious glass bits slicing into my finger everytime I did the unlock phone bit.Thank God hubs came up with a really quick solution and a person who could repair it on the same day - at a decent enough cost.

    Got trapped in a long winded meeting and having to face the issues for the brand alone since "J" decided to bail on me for an event- and now I have a backlog of work that doesn't seem to be disappearing anytime soon.

    Went out for the most miserable lunch, by which I had completely lost my appetite, ate my meds and ended up with the worst case of stomach acidity.

    When I got back from lunch, my favorite colleague and confidante told me she was tendering her resignation - in 2 days- and she would be serving the 2 months notice and she'll miss me.

    Attempted to apply for 2 weeks leave in September to fly to Europe and all I got was a noncommital answer from my boss about "High Volume weeks " and that we should "have a talk tomorrow".

    And then the very person I wanted to talk to about it all was caught up in a whirlwind of something called INSENSITIVITY!

     

    Sigh.

     

    And throughout my Monday misery, all my colleagues could tell me was that I was so cool and nothing gets to me.

    I feel like screaming.

     

    Post work -all that plastic burning + heart to heart talks with my sis - which usually does wonders for me - did absolutely nothing for my soul tonight.

     

    I keep telling myself, its the same old frustrating feeling but I don't know how I always get caught up in situations like this.

    230am.

     I'm sitting here, trying to make a dent in the mountain of work, and all I can think about is having to be at work in 6 hours time, not finishing my work in time and still having to leave early to help out with an event that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

     

     

    Help.

     

    x

     

     

Saturday, 31 March 2012

  • This too, shall pass.

     

    ♪♫ Everything that we are now
    Is everything we can't let go
    Or its gone forever, far away
    I hope tomorrow is like today
    Don't you go away tomorrow
    I don't think I could handle that
    Don't go away
    I hope tomorrow is like today ♪♫

     

     

    Its already fading, nothing anyone can do.

    I don't even want to talk,think about it or work it out - let time do its thing.

    Isn't that how it always pans out?

    For now, let it eat away at me till the familiar emptiness returns.

    x

     

     

    Nearly a week of not working...and it seems so unlike me.

    After the shocking day when I coughed out blood, I've finally decided to take better care of my health.

    That's not to say I don't miss my cigs, coffee or booze. I figure if I'm gonna die, I might as well die happy and sated.

    All I know is,I have an urge to do something crazy and completely spontaneous again. I'm insatiable.

     Ok no personal posts from me today, I have a million things running through the head so let me sort it out first.

     

     

     

    I just read my inbox and noticed some questions posted my way..I'll answer one per post so wait your turn ok?

    lol.

     

    Question #1: I like the songs you post, is there a genre you like? Can I have a playlist?

     

    Yes, I do.

     

     

     

    There's something about pounding music coupled with heartbreaking lyrics that appeals to me.

    Well some of them are classified as Gothic Rock or even Pop Rock, but you get the general idea.

    As for the playlist, here you go:

     

     

    Well that's just a few so I hope you find the ones you like.

     

    Enjoy!

     

    x